From Dr. Jane's Notebook

Summer: It's Not Too Late

The Race is On! Summer is in its final phase. We've all got to hurry up and relax! This year, I've heard a record number of comments from people about how quickly their summer has come and gone.

I am continually amazed by the effects of the changing seasons. The months of May through August are months of rapid change in the lives of families. This summer, I have witnessed the following phenomena.

Children go to camp and come back as different children. Going to sleep-away camp is a bit like going off to college. Send kids away and they learn about the world. Camp is a highly structured experience which challenges kids socially, physically, and intellectually. When children have the opportunity to be independent and fully responsible for themselves in a nurturing and interesting environment, it brings out the best in them.

All this growth, however, makes it difficult for kids to fit right back into place when they return home. If at first, you don't recognize your children... be patient! Try to respect their new identity, give them space, welcome them and get to know them as you would any stranger! One of the true benefits of this experience is developing independence and self-reliance. If parents are too nurturing afterwards, this "growth" may be lost. Soon enough, your children will return to their former dependent habits.

When the kids are away, the parents can play. If you time it right, summer is also the opportunity to dabble in empty nest activities. When kids go away for summer activities, such as camp, visiting relatives, or visiting their non-custodial parents, couples have a great opportunity to take a vacation from parenting. This can be a time to renew that special relationship between husband and wife. Do something you wouldn't do if the kids were home!
Beware of the Myth of Summer. Summertime is supposed to be relaxing, enjoyable and fun. Right? But in actuality, summertime can be highly stressful. With varying vacation schedules at work, it is often more difficult to make progress. When one employee is out of the office, the workloads of others are increased. Just when you'd like to be outside having fun, you have to work harder than ever. Cabin fever is at an all time high and vacations when they do come about, are never long enough. All of these factors can lead to greater frustration in the workplace and more difficult temperments among co-workers.
Insist on Time for Yourself! Summer can be a great time to redefine yourself. Summer can provide the time-window to engage in your favorite recreations. Time to grow, time to relax, time to think. When we shift gears and allow ourselves to rest, we reduce our stress and recharge. When we do something different, we learn how to stretch beyond our former limits and feel the thrill of new accomplishments.

Summer is a great time to get (back) in shape physically, enhance your home, catch up with yourself, but beware of the time-snatchers that get in the way. Be sure to take time for yourself. You certainly deserve it!

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Last Updated October 17, 1998 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.