From Dr. Jane's Notebook

Holiday Gifts

Welcome to December! The holidays are upon us, and next year is just around the corner. Once again, we are faced with times of celebrations, expectations, and new resolutions.

December can be an exciting time of the year when our relationships are brought into focus. We think about the people with whom we will celebrate, we think about the people with whom we are close, but if we are not satisfied with those relationships, it can be a time of heightened loneliness.

The holidays are also a time to give gifts! Perhaps you might want to put these gifts on your list this year:

Give your children the gift of time. In this rush-about life, it can be difficult to find time to spend with our children. No matter what their age, children need parents who will listen, encourage, and accept them unconditionally. This holiday, plan some special time with your children getting to know them better as they are today. If they are away, make a special effort by phone or by mail to communicate meaningfully. Children always need parents who appreciate and like them, as well as love them.
Give your spouse the gift of your attention. We all have a great many needs that we hope to fulfil through our most intimate relationships. All too often, however, we don't talk about how we really feel. Fearing criticism or the truth, we may avoid those personal discussions that address our satisfaction in our marriages. But when we know how our spouses really feel, we can make more accurate efforts to please them. Marriage is one of the most important relationships of a lifetime. Why not give it a tune-up?
Give friends and relatives the gift of inclusion. The holidays are often a time of increased loneliness. This is the month when people feel most connected or disconnected from each other. When planning events, think of those who may otherwise be alone. Reach out and pull them into your circle. People in all walks of life need to feel that they have friends and are included in the mainstream of life.
Give yourself the gift of enhanced self-esteem. Maintaining your self-esteem is something you have to do on a regular basis. Because we are always in competition with ourselves and self-critical, it is important to have a ready supply of antidotes to poor self-esteem. A gift you can give yourself this season is a new way to build your self-esteem.

Self-esteem builders come in the form of other people and relationships, remembering proud and happy times, or learning new things. Personally, I enjoy taking continuing education courses, listening to series of tapes, learning new crafts, or challenging myself in some new way. When we learn new things, we feel smarter and more confident, and have more interesting things to think and talk about.

The recent movie, "Paradise" had a wonderful scene in which an older woman, an artist, was befriended by a little girl who was lonely and needed to be treated as "special". The artist decided to accept the invitation for friendship with the little girl. When asked why she had developed her new interest in art, the little girl beamed, "She thinks I have talent".

In these difficult economic times, when the expectations for gift-giving are at their highest, consider giving things that don't cost money. The gifts of your time, friendship, listening and personal growth are gifts that we can share with others that have low costs and lasting benefits.

Return to Family Relationships

Return to Personal Growth

Return to Table of Contents

Last Updated October 17, 1998 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.