From Dr. Jane's Notebook

The Honeymoon: Its Never Too Late

In the beginning, it was relatively simple. "He" met "her" and "they" became a couple. Both had lots of time to spend together and each was the object of the other's undivided attention. How quickly things change.

With the birth of their children, they became not just a couple, but also, parents. Now they had two relationships: spouses and co-parents. While parenthood is wonderful... inside many two-parent families, there's a couple that's being neglected.

It's never too late to honeymoon. Imagine yourself, alone with your spouse, sleeping late in a hotel room. No phones are ringing, no children are crying, not even the dog needs to go out! It just you and your spouse with time for each other. Reminiscent of the early days of your relationship, you can remember the fun and rekindle old feelings. Feel guilty about leaving the kids? Remember the old saying... absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Prescription: Date night. Once a week, you and your spouse invest in a babysitter and spend an evening out alone together. This is not the time to invite other couples or visit them. Its a night for the two of you to go to dinner, go to a movie, go for a walk, or anything else you both like to do. Dating was fun or it wouldn't have turned into marriage.
The 10 o'clock hour. The last hour of each night should be reserved for time as a couple. At this point, the kids are in bed or they're not, but you are! Its time to talk, time to touch, time to be close and nourish your relationship. Your relationship as a couple needs constant renewal. Often that renewal is accomplished through touch. Like cats, people purr when they are massaged. Couples can express their love and care through massaging each other. Its also an important stress-reducer.
The Greeting. The way we greet our spouse upon arriving home, often sets the tone for the entire evening. No one likes to walk into a warzone. If we are hit with a barrage of demands, blame, or chaos, we are more likely to want to avoid coming home. Instead, if we are welcomed in peace and allowed to acclimate ourselves, then the homecoming is a more pleasant experience. This holds true for mother and fathers who are shifting gears from a busy day at work to a busy night at home.

Happy spouses are usually happy parents. Unhappy spouses are often miserable at home, at work, with the kids, everywhere. The best way to guarantee the health and safety of your family is to take care of your marriage. Marriage is the foundation of the family. When the foundation is weakened, the entire structure is at risk. Happy Honeymoon!

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Last Updated August 30, 1998 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.