From Dr. Jane's Notebook

Effects of the Gulf War

When I made up my new year's resolutions for 1991, I didn't think that we would go to war in the Persian Gulf. So I didn't really consider the impact that the war would have on our lives during the early part of this year. Only now that our community and nation have begun to adapt to the changing circumstances of recession and military commitments, is it possible to recognize how much we have actually changed.

As a tribute to our military families and families in general, I would like to note a few of the tactics of "Family Survival" that seem to have emerged...

During times of stress, families must pull together. When we are threatened by outside forces beyond our control, it is important for family members to pull together and support the individuals within the family. This is not the time for feuds or civil wars, but a time to bond together to form a strong team.
During times of stress, communities must pull together. During times of public stress, families can bond with other families to share resources. Families who experience similar situations can support each other emotionally and create a feeling of solidarity in their efforts at survival. By fostering the sense of community, we can create a sense of power over the forces "beyond our control".
Family crises offer the opportunity for affirmation of our values. When life is threatened, our priorities change. Almost immediately, we appreciate what we have and vow to retain our precious families and natural resources. When we watched the spilling of oil into the Persian Gulf, we recognized with horror this crime against Mother Nature. Pollution and death smacked us in the face. All at once, we felt that appreciation for life and the earth's resources... reminding ourselves of our priorities and clarifying our beliefs.
When change happens, we must allow for new definitions. When people survive crises and significant life events, they are not the same afterwards. So in order to put the pieces of the family puzzle back together, the puzzle must become flexible enough to allow for the growth and change in the individuals who make up that family.

Not long ago, there was an article in the "big paper" that described a wife who had changed a great deal while her husband was away at war. She had become independent, resourceful, brave, assertive and had changed her appearance in a variety of ways. The gist of the article was a warning to her returning husband, that he should accept and respect these changes in his wife. During his absence, she had grown. If they were to reunite successfully, he would have to be flexible in his definition of her.

The lesson to be learned... love must include the ability to be flexible, the capacity for change. Families must include the ability to be flexible, the capacity for change. It is not easy for families to undergo these "tests"... but when we "pass with flying colors", its worth it. Many thanks to our military families for all your strength and flexibility.

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Last Updated October 17, 1998 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.