From Dr. Jane's Notebook

Spice Up Your Social Life

Time spent alone can be either a blessing or a curse. For many people, a period of "time out" from a hectic social schedule is a rare and treasured opportunity. For others, the lack of a satisfying social life is a daily reality marked by boredom and loneliness.

Whether you are single or one of a couple, everyone needs friends, interests and activities. To spice up your social life, I offer the following suggestions.

Make your home more pleasing to yourself. When you feel good about your home, you may feel more comfortable inviting friends to come visit. A major step in opening up your social life is welcoming others into your life. Consider what you might do to enhance your living environment so that you can feel proud of it with your guests.
Make social plans ahead of time. Rather than hoping that "something will come up" over the weekend, take the initiative to call others and make plans. Unless people hear from you, they may assume that you are busy or not interested in socializing. Many people stay home alone too afraid to reach out to one another.
Keep a "To Do" List. Make a list of all the things you'd like to do , now and long-range. Then one by one, take steps to accomplish these goals. It is often difficult to think of things to do when you're feeling bored or depressed. Having a handy list not only provides ideas, but the act of writing it down actually gets your unconscious mind thinking about how to incorporate those activities into your life schedule.
Participate in Self-Improvement Activities. When you work on self-improvement, your self-confidence increases and you have more courage to socialize. In addition, self-improvement activities offer the opportunity to meet others who have similar interests and goals. Extra-curricular courses, athletics, hobby clubs, volunteer work, and involvement in community organizations are just a few ways to meet others and enhance your lifestyle.
Be sensitive to your own needs. Sometimes we need the company of others; sometimes we need to be alone. Sometimes we're comfortable being part of a couple; and sometimes we need to develop our individuality. To be well-balanced in our lives, we need to have both. Be aware of when you need to work on your relationships with others, and when you need to develop a comfort with being alone.

A few months ago, I started a therapy group for single adults, titled "The Fine Art of Establishing Relationships". From this experience, I have learned that even when people live as single individuals, it is apparent that few people can tolerate loneliness for very long. Being successful at developing relationships often requires that we develop our relationship skills.

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Last Updated November 14, 1998 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.