From Dr. Jane's Notebook

Thinking About The Holidays

One of the quickest ways to become depressed... is to compare yourself to someone else who you think is smarter, more successful, more attractive etc. Many of us compare ourselves to others and come out feeling miserable. Another way to get depressed is to think about the best holiday you remember, and then realize that it just won't be the same this year! This is a sure-fire way to get ready for disappointment!

Surviving the holidays these days, has become an "art form" from both a personal and financial standpoint. And so, I offer the following thoughts for your consideration...

Unfortunately and fortunately, things must change! As with television, new shows are exciting and interesting... but even the best re-runs are usually boring. So, even if it were possible to repeat history and recreate holidays from the past, we would probably be disappointed in the "holiday re-run".
Planning is essential. To make the holidays memorable, plan your time and activities so as to make them eventful. Do something special that requires planning and preparation, so that you invest yourself in the effort. For example, if you want to attend a show, purchase the tickets ahead of time, rather than taking a chance on it being sold out at the door... or deciding at the last minute, that you're too tired to go. Memories are made of new and exciting experiences!
Be with the people you really care about. Think about the people who you really enjoy in your life and plan to spend some time with them. Even if you can't visit people who live far away, a great gift may be a long-distance telephone visit with them. Holidays are important times to make personal connections with those you love, and to tell them how much you care about them.
Give the gift of your time and attention. During the holidays, do a "Mitzvah" or "Good Deed" for someone or some agency in the community. Many people experience loneliness during this time of the year; many agencies, such as hospitals, need volunteers. Call the Voluntary Action Agency, your church or synagogue, or look around your neighborhood and "Adopt a Neighbor". A sure way to feel better about yourself, is to help others feel better.

Many years ago, I noticed that whenever I had great expectations for parties and social times, I was often dreadfully disappointed. But when I had lower expectations for similar events, I was usually surprised and delighted at how well they actually turned out. Because of this trend, I decided to stop expecting everything to be great... and instead to "expect the worst". Call me a pessimist... or an advocate of reverse psychology... but ever since then, I have usually been pleasantly surprised!

My Warmest Wishes for your holidays...however you choose to enjoy them!

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Last Updated November 14, 1998 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.