From Dr. Jane's Notebook

Hello... Grandma...?

As I think back, my grandparents have been among the most important people in my life. For me, and I believe for them, we had a special bond, which has lasted well beyond their lifetime. Memories of them remain alive in my heart today because of those special connections we made during my childhood.

Today, as a Mother, I find myself in a different position in the family structure. Now, that same special connection is being developed between my parents and my children. Now they are forming a special bond. There are many dimensions to being part of this "sandwich generation", which are described below.

As parents, we want our children to have good relationships with their grandparents. We need the security of knowing that our children can depend on our parents for nurturance and love. Many of us know first-hand how important our grandparents' opinions of us were as building blocks in our self-esteem and in the development of feelings about our own self-worth. In addition, we want our children to love our parents and share good times together.
Grandchildren often need the guidance of their grandparents. When grandchildren look to their grandparents for advice or a sympathetic ear, grandparents are given the opportunity to share their wisdom and pass along family traditions. Sometimes, just being a good listener is enough to help grandchildren learn the answers for themselves.
Grandchildren need the time and interest of their grandparents. In this hurried world, our children need to be the center of attention and need to feel like very special people. The pace of our childrens' lives is often more similar to the pace of life of their grandparents, than their parents.

I freely admit that I am too busy! My life moves faster than I can keep up with, and the words "hurry up" are used too often. When this happens, it is hard to find the time to properly communicate everything that goes on in our lives to our family members if they are far away. But, now that my children have learned the fine art of "reach out and touch someone", they have begun to perform this vital function in our family.

Many conversations go something like this... "Hello Grandma. It's Jessie. So what's new with you?"... and together the bridge is built between here and there, and our lives and theirs. Not only do children and grandparents share the ins and outs of their daily experiences, but they're building a love which will last both of their lifetimes.

Return to Family Relationships

Return to Table of Contents

Last Updated September 27, 1998 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.