From Dr. Jane's Notebook

Batter-Up! Ready?

Imagine yourself up at bat. You know the pitcher is ready, but your grip on the bat doesn't feel quite right. What's a batter to do? You could take a chance and hope you hit the ball...or take "time" for yourself, back off from the plate, readjust your hands, and take a step forward when the bat feels just right.

Getting off on the right step, putting your best foot forward, and being adequately prepared...are all essential ingredients in success. Timing can be everything. But we are often caught off-guard or intimidated into hurrying and that can lead to anything from a false start to completely striking out.

September is a time for fresh starts, a new academic year, and setting new goals. From preschoolers entering daycare for the first time, to retirees who are planning for the winter... this is a time of change, and it is the season to pay attention to timing. To get the best possible start, I recommend the following:

Write a fall plan for yourself; each member of the family needs one. Most of us function best with some structure and we are most motivated by the goals we set for ourselves. Whether you want to earn more money, make better grades, get in shape, save money or achieve some other goal, it helps to clearly define your ambition on paper and then lay out the necessary steps that you'll take to achieve those goals.
Clarify expectations to your children. Like adults, children do not like being kept in the dark about family plans or our expectations for their achievements. Share your thoughts and hopes with them so that your behavior and reactions make sense. When we know the big picture, it is easier to understand the logic behind decision-making. Eventually, children will have to learn to think like adults, and this is easier learned when they are privy to your thought processes.
Respect your own readiness. When the pitcher's ready, but you're not...take time to adequately prepare yourself. Each of us knows our own sense of timing, and it is important to consciously decide what you need in order to get ready. Children may need to evaluate the amount of time they need in the mornings in order to leave the house feeling ready.

Listen to yourself, and trust your gut instincts! Even when you've practiced that speech for your boss, if something tells you to hold back, respect your lack of readiness! More than once, I've counseled individuals who were afraid to back off from the altar, but who in fact were not ready to marry. This can lead to years of regret.

Just as human beings exist on the basis of the 24 hour clock and need to sleep and eat at regular intervals, we have emotional needs for predictability and timeliness. By paying attention to our sense of timing and readiness, we maximize our chances for excellence and success.

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Last Updated October 24, 1998 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.