Sometimes life is like a
carnival. There are so many things to do and so many choices to make. Problems
can arise when we choose one activity over another, and then worry whether we
made the right choice. We may wonder, “If I’m not happy with the choices I make,
can I get my money back?” If we look for guidance, we may wonder who and what to
believe. “If I choose the wrong thing, will I be ridiculed by others?” Or worse,
“If I am wrong, will I torment myself for being less than perfect“? And you
thought going to a carnival was easy! Here are a few more thoughts on the
matter.
Childhood is the foundation for
all that follows.
While it is certainly difficult for adults to become parents, being a kid is
no piece of cake either. Children depend upon everyone around them to watch
out for them, protect them, nourish them, teach them, encourage them, and
advocate for them. When it comes to making choices at “the carnival”, every
child must live through their share of painful and poor choices but
hopefully, emerge with greater wisdom, knowledge and self-confidence.
After high school, the carnival
becomes more complex.
Young adults must decide how best to play the game of life. This involves
choices about school, careers, goals, and a family of their own. Before
marriage or family, it is easier to leave one’s options open and simply
focus on building one’s skills, credentials and life plans. Once we have
started families, things are a bit more complicated requiring a continuous
mantra of “the more you do, the more you can do”. Even when we need to
modify our goals to meet family needs, we don’t have to abandon those goals
permanently. Spouses should support each other’s efforts at training,
education, and professional development because each of us needs an
occupational identity. For a myriad of reasons, it may become necessary at
any time to reverse family roles and change sources of income.
It’s
not as much fun to go to carnivals alone.
One of the all important cornerstones of happiness lies in finding a mate
with whom you can share your life. When looking for a mate, it is important
to be attracted to each other both as sexual partners and as best friends.
Best friends are willing to go to the carnival even when they don’t feel
like it, and they’re willing to go on rides they don’t like just because it
makes their partner happy. Great love and great friendship go hand in hand.
In these relationships, invitations to do things together are more often met
with a “yes” than a “no”.
Beware of rejecting your partner
without offering alternative solutions. The problem with living together is that it’s easier to
take each other for granted, harder to miss each other, and easier to feel
like our efforts are not equal. That being the case, we have to work extra
hard to treat family members as well as we do our other best friends. This
translates as making plans to do special things together, allocating time to
have fun, and strengthening our friendship by continuously building new
memories together.
My over-used carnival metaphor suggests that life is a path
that offers infinite opportunities and enticements. Along our path, each of us
will make both good and bad choices, and we will experience both good and bad
consequences. At times, we may feel motivated to make changes, take risks and
hop on the merry-go-round. At other times, it may feel right to sit still for
awhile and just watch “the show”. Sometimes, just when we think we’ve got things
all figured out, armed with our plans, our knowledge, and feeling ready to go,
something as silly as the weather will turn all of our plans upside down,
reminding us not to take things too seriously.
After all, it is just a carnival… isn’t it?
©Copyright, 2012, Jane R. Rosen-Grandon. All rights reserved.
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