Like many aspects of life,
falling in love is always easier on the way in than on the way out. Driven by
our most basic instincts, love can either be a great power surge or it can
fizzle. Falling in love is like a glorious adventure; falling out of love is
more like getting lost in a jungle. While the process of coming together may be
a swift and creative blending of ingredients, the process of moving apart is
more like dividing the last piece of cake; no matter how you cut it, it’s gonna
crumble! For those who long to be in relationships for the long haul, here are a
few thoughts on the matter.
·
Communication the elusive
butterfly. Ask almost anyone what they are looking
for in a relationship and you will most likely hear the word
communication.
When couples fall in love, they usually credit their communication. When couples
get into trouble, they usually blame their communication. Take time, at least
once a day, to share something personal with your mate. Turn off the TV, sit
down together and tell each other the story of your day.
·
Why is it so difficult to
communicate? We humans are a sensitive breed. We
long to communicate but we abhor being criticized. In the early stages of
getting to know someone, we open up to each other slowly and carefully, but
recoil at the slightest sign of danger. We long to open up and share our private
selves, but exposing our innermost thoughts and feelings can render us
vulnerable. It is helpful that people falling in love tend to exchange words
that make each other feel good. We all need to feel good about ourselves. Be
sure to compliment your mate at least once a day.
·
Be sure that the message
you sent was the message received. Words alone do
not make for good communication; thoughtless words are notorious for getting
people into trouble. When used as weapons, words are hurtful and they leave
scars. Sometimes the free-flow of words is not free at all; it can carry a heavy
price if misinterpreted. For accuracy, we must be certain that the message we
intended to send is, in fact, the message received. If your partner’s facial
expression changes unexpectedly, they may have received a different message than
the one you intended to send. When conversations suddenly come to a halt, take
time to back track and clarify any misunderstandings.
·
The key to accurate
communication: Practice, practice, practice. Even
after years of love or friendship, it is unacceptable to become careless in the
way we speak to one another. Even after years of love and friendship, it is
still easy to hurt each other’s feelings deeply and permanently. Take time to
think before you speak, and especially, take time to cool off before speaking
when you’re angry. Quick, angry retorts feel good momentarily, but usually just
make matters worse.
This month, Valentine’s Day will once
again decorate our lives with pink and red hearts that invite millions of people
to question whether they are loved or question why they are not loved. The mere
thought of being alone on Valentine’s Day has been known to send people
scurrying in pursuit of instant love.
But
love is never as simple as it seems.
Love is a physical and emotional
relationship that must be nurtured every day. Saying the words “I
Love You” affirms our connection, our
commitment, and helps couples to focus their emotional energy toward staying in
love for years and years. Love is neither an achievement nor a plaque on the
wall, but a consistent lifestyle that allows both partners to thrive
individually and as a team.
©Copyright, 2012, Jane R. Rosen-Grandon. All rights reserved.
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