From Dr. Jane's Notebook

August: "Get it while you can" before the fall transition

The end of summer provides one last opportunity to do summer things before we begin a new school year or return to work as usual. The month of August is about savoring a bit of personal time and taking time-out from our typical schedules. In the words of the late Janis Joplin, “get it while you can”. Soon it will be time to help your family make the transition into autumn with all of its demands. Here are a few thoughts on how to do that.

Put family dinners back on the schedule. Family dinners help to re-organize the family by providing a forum where kids and parents can come together at the end of the day. At the beginning of a new school year, kids and their parents need opportunities to sit together, talk, and listen to each other. There are logistics to work out and feelings to be shared. Family dinners are important opportunities for kids to ask questions, share their experiences and listen to the conversations of their parents.
Kids need to talk and parents need to listen. The key to good communication with your kids is your ability to be a good listener. Kids only communicate when it feels safe to do so. Like most of us, our kids are sensitive to criticism and they withdraw from conversations when others are not really interested. Unfortunately, in this age of multi-tasking and information overload, many of us lose our patience too quickly. Instead of taking time to focus on the thoughts and feelings that are being shared with us, we often approach conversations with ready-made answers and solutions. Like contestants on Jeopardy, we may interrupt each other, offer answers before we’ve fully heard the question, and we may be rude to those who speak slowly (for example, children). To be a great communicator, listen attentively, show your respect, and give others the opportunity to solve their own problems by not interjecting your opinion prematurely.
Discuss financial goals and strategies. While it’s not healthy to make children feel anxious about money, it is healthy to teach them about family finances. As parents, we work hard for our money and we do our best to provide for our families. But we often forget to teach our kids about money and how we make financial decisions. As a result, kids may hear us say “no” to one purchase and “yes” to another without understanding the rhyme or reason for these choices. Once again, the dinner table is a great place to teach our kids about life.
Install a Family Calendar in your kitchen. Another way to promote family synchronicity and cooperation is to keep everyone informed. Toward this end, I recommend a large paper calendar (20” x 30”) on which everyone can post their plans with color-coded marking pens. When we can see each other’s plans on paper, the results are better communication, fewer transportation misunderstandings, reduced chaos and reduced stress. In addition, the family calendar can prompt conversations about the events listed and help parents who must travel for work stay abreast of family activities

During these precious years when our children live under our protective shelter, they look to us to help navigate time and prepare them for what lies ahead. Raising children and providing a healthy environment requires structure, flexibility, and quite a bit of backbone. Like most other things, from time to time it is necessary to upgrade the way we do things. We have to establish and re-establish healthy family habits and family routines over and over again when seasons change, when our children change, and whenever we need to evolve as a family.

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