From Dr. Jane's Notebook

February… a month of reminders

            February is one of those months when we are reminded that we are social creatures. Human beings usually don’t like to be alone during the holidays. While we know that being in a relationship is no guarantee of happiness, and that being single is not the worst thing, Valentine’s Day really seems to rub it in! For those who are in love relationships or hoping to find one, here are a few thoughts on the matter.

·        Communication is key. In the beginning, we are such good listeners. When couples first meet and experience attraction, communication is the main gateway to most peoples’ hearts. We are attentive, appreciative of differences, tolerant and typically non-judgmental. Then, if we perceive that it is safe to be ourselves, the gateway continues to open. This allows more and more of our heart to be exposed. We call this falling in love, but down the road, just being in love is not enough. Accurate and loving communication must be practiced every day.

·        Partners depend on each other for support of their personal growth. When people meet and relationships begin, we are like trains that have made one particular stop along our way. Just because we have become emotionally involved does not mean that our train has parked or permanently stopped. We meet at various intersections of our lives, but our personal development is never complete. All of us need to keep growing. Ideally, partners support and encourage each other to become the very best they can be.

·        Loyalty is essential for strong relationships. As we go through changes, transformations and personal evolutions, we need our partner’s support to cheer us on, and they need to feel included. Problems arise when partners feel excluded, left out of the loop, and rejected.  When people make the ultimate commitment to spend their lives together, they are agreeing to make decisions together, to make love together, to keep each others’ confidences and to help each other through life’s ups and downs. In other words, it’s all about sharing.

In the great words of Albert Camus, "Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."

Valentine’s Day comes and goes each year, perhaps leaving behind a flirtation, a disappointment, or just a reminder that love is important. When romantic love is not there, use this opportunity to reach out to friends and relatives and remind them that they are loved and important to you. The expression of affection is never a waste of words.

©Copyright, 2011, Jane R. Rosen-Grandon. All rights reserved.            

Return to Love and Marriage

Return to Table of Contents