From Dr. Jane's Notebook

Try "golden" sexuality for the 21st century

            Dr. Larry Davis, Psychiatrist and Author, describes 21st century sexuality as an active human experience that can last until age 85 and beyond, assuming good health. In his thinking, men and women at age 50 are at the midpoint of their sexual life, and “Golden Sexuality” refers to the kind of fulfilling sexuality that takes years of preparation to achieve. Why does it take so long, you ask?  Dr. Davis says it takes years for humans to fully understand their sexuality; to overcome traumas that have led to guilt, shame or worries about sexual functioning; to fully appreciate and take care of our physical bodies; and develop a mature sexual relationship that is based upon respect, love and appreciation.  For more thoughts on the matter, read on.

Long term love allows both partners to freely communicate what they want from each other and negotiate when there is a difference of opinion. For those who are a bit self-conscious, Dr. Davis says that when it comes to Golden Sex, clothing is almost always beneficial. He suggests that specially-selected clothing can add to our sensuality, and that dressing and undressing for the occasion can add to the intrigue, humor, and playfulness of the moment.  When sexual intimacy is process-oriented, it’s all about getting in the spirit of things and spending time renewing your bond of love. 

Golden Sex should always be approached with kindness, consideration and attentiveness. It can be difficult to make the transition from our usual workday cerebral and physical tension to a state of relaxation, where we can actually feel pleasurable touch and physical affection. It is often necessary to bring our bodies back to life though gentle body massage that awakens our senses. Couples who have been together for a long time recognize each other’s stress and tension and begin to care for one another’s bodies as they do their own. Electric hand-held massagers by the bedside can assist couples in helping each other to relax. Looking around us in nature, it is easy to spot birds who help preen each other’s feathers, cats who help wash each other’s faces, and couples who walk hand-in-hand affectionately, helping each other through doors and on stairs. Dedication to loving another person goes far beyond superficial attention. Golden sex is part of a daily ritual of caring for each other’s physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. When you’re ready, I suggest you try it!

©Copyright, 2009, Jane R. Rosen-Grandon. All rights reserved.            

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