From Dr. Jane's Notebook

Do you: "need to be right" or willing to "fix things?"

             Judith Viorst in her book titled Grown-Up Marriage describes toxic interaction patterns between us and the people in our lives as forms of sibling rivalry that we learned in childhood. For all children, the families we grew up in were the training grounds where we learned to negotiate, fight, and survive. Hopefully, they were also places where we learned to communicate, cooperate, and compromise. Later on as adults, when we try to unravel the ropes of our disagreements, it is may be helpful to think back on communication patterns from earlier times in our lives. Here are a few more thoughts on the matter.

 As grown ups, we have the opportunity to learn how to function as equals and as complementary partners. Even if we always got our own way as children, we do not have the right to make all the rules, and we do not have the right to govern each other. Likewise, for those who felt over-shadowed or ignored as children, it is never too late to improve your self-esteem. Unfinished business from childhood can last a lifetime…. but only if we let it.

©Copyright, 2009, Jane R. Rosen-Grandon. All rights reserved.            

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