From Dr. Jane's Notebook

Why Love is not Enough…

The idea of falling in love is positively intoxicating. While it is perhaps the greatest of all “natural highs”, many of us judge the merit of love and attraction on the basis of “chemistry”. In spite of our hormones or perhaps, because of our hormones, lovers crave the tingly sensations associated with this revered state of happiness. Not surprisingly, many of us feel let down when the emotional surges begin to even out. Here are a few more thoughts on the matter.

Before we know what’s happening, a kind of brainwashing can occur, complete with its own chemistry. Like addicts to a drug, we may lie, steal and cheat in order to aid in our own abduction. Like a storm, extra-marital affairs affect everyone in their path but the real damage is done to the sacred trust we call loyalty, which lies at the very heart of the relationship. My own research suggests that love is important and it’s important to feel satisfied with love in a relationship. In the quest for marital satisfaction, however, love itself is not enough! You must also be able to trust your partner when your back is turned! In other words, to a very large extent, satisfaction in marriage depends on our satisfaction with loyalty in the relationship 

In a perfect world, each of us would easily find our own perfect mate. Like a truth serum, finding love would inspire us to open up and reveal our authentic selves to our beloved. In a perfect world, we would always be non-judgmental, supportive and respectful of each other during both difficult and happy seasons of our lives. In a perfect world, love would be regarded as a precious resource that should never be taken for granted. In a perfect world, neither of us would have to be perfect people; we would just naturally be perfect for each other!

This article is dedicated to my parents who are in their 60th year of eternal love!

©Copyright, 2005, Jane R. Rosen-Grandon. All rights reserved.

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