From Dr. Jane's Notebook

While I don't like getting old, I think of the alternative

The good news is that modern medicine allows many of us to live longer. The bad news is that with longevity comes a variety of additional worries and challenges. Developmental psychologists inform us that the senior years are a challenging phase of life, which involves shifting gears, a change in our concerns, and letting go of previous attachments. It is also a time for grown children to learn how to “parent their parents” and return the caring favors they received while growing up. Here are a few more thoughts on the matter.

Retirement requires a change in our use of time. While many people retire, most want to continue to make good use of their time on the planet. Recent trends find happy retirees engaging in volunteer efforts, new hobbies, involvement with grandchildren, and part time jobs. Keeping active and continuing to learn are critically important for good physical and mental health. Due to their popularity, there are increasing numbers of senior activity day programs and Elderhostel travel & learning programs. As the saying goes, the more you do…the more you can do.
The longer we live, the more funerals we attend. Conversations with seniors can be very meaningful, and they can be very unsettling. Seniors have both great wisdom to share, and they have some very unique perspectives. In many ways, today’s senior citizens are the pioneers of what it means to live longer. For those of us who are willing to listen, there is much to learn about the current realities of aging from those who are living it! For example, in a recent conversation with my 95 year old cousin, she shared what it was like for her to bury all of her old friends. Frankly, I had never really thought about how it feels to be the oldest person you know. But the reality is that the longer we live, the more we outlive others. Since death seems to be a daily consideration for many senior citizens, perhaps the next developmental task in life is to make peace with the reality of death.
Coming of age as the child of a senior citizen. Raising children is a good way to learn how to care for aging parents. As a parent, it has been my job to monitor the needs of my children for food, social activities, health, clothing, and body care. Similarly, with aging parents, especially when we live far away, it is crucial to assess their needs and not assume that everything is okay. Like children, our parents are not always able to recognize and express what they need; or they may choose to minimize their problems. So, it may be up to you to anticipate and become alert to your parent(s) newly-arising concerns about safety, driving, finances, fears about change and fears about being alone.
Learn to recognize Red Flags! When seniors suddenly lose interest in their usual activities, withdraw from social engagements and retreat from family life, its time for an evaluation by their physician. Physical problems may be masked by mild depression, or chemical changes in our brains can make us feel depressed. Most problems, if caught early enough, can be easily remedied with medication. But without some sort of meaningful intervention, seniors can fall into rapid decline in their appetite, energy, interpersonal relationships and interest in life.

Learning the role of caregiver is not an easy job. The task is a delicate one in which we must become interested but not insulting. Seniors fear the loss of their independence, competence and self-confidence. Skilled caregivers must learn the fine art of helping, without damaging the integrity of those they care for.

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