From Dr. Jane's Notebook

Unemployment: A time to sink or swim

Scarcely a day goes by without one company or another announcing its plans to "right size", "down size", or plain old lay off hundreds of workers. Though the news gets old to those who are unaffected, to those who are suddenly faced with unemployment, a very hard reality lies ahead. In today’s fast paced society, workers can no longer afford the luxury of taking their jobs for granted nor can they expect corporate loyalty based on seniority. Even the employee who has devoted "the best years of his/her life" may at any time be faced with a lay-off.

This happenstance then begins a chain reaction of events which are not very pleasant. Much like the break-up of a love relationship, all of the sudden the individual is faced with a sense of loneliness, insecurity, fear, and a variety of emotions. To ease the pain, lovers often rebound into the next available relationship, whether or not it is right for them, and workers often jump into the first available job, regardless of whether it is the right job for them. In both cases, jumping into new relationships or new jobs for the sake of security, often just contributes to our dissatisfaction. Here are a few more thoughts on the matter.

Typically we experience the five stages of grief. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross added tremendously to our understanding of loss and grief with her 5 stage model of grieving. Since its initial development, these five stages have helped us understand a variety of events which represent how we cope with emotional pain. Typically, our first reaction to the loss of a job is denial; we simply can’t believe its true. A state of shock often sets in which leaves us feeling numb. Then as the numbness wears off, we typically become angry, which manifests in blaming others and/or blaming ourselves. In our last ditch effort to reclaim that which is rightfully ours, the third stage involves the attempt to bargain... with the boss, with the rejecting lover, and even God. We think and we hope that maybe if we do something to change our ways, the nightmare will go away. But when bargaining fails to help, it is common for depression to set in. This is a point of despair and a time when our self-esteem is most likely to bottom out. Only by coming to terms with our loss and achieving a state of acceptance, can we regenerate our energy, restore self-confidence and get on with our lives. Remember: Acceptance doesn’t mean we are content to stay the way we are. It means that we are willing to accept the reality of our situation and move on when we are ready. Depending upon both the length of our unemployment and our resistance to change, it is very common to bounce back to former states of anger and bargaining before we are truly ready to accept change.

Guilt, Shame and Worry seem to come with the package. When one is terminated from employment, we tend to feel guilty no matter what the circumstances. Even if the decision had nothing to do with us personally, the fact of unemployment often creates feelings of shame, rejection, disloyalty, worthlessness, and fear. Here again, we have choices. If we choose to buy into a self-concept of inferiority, the future will appear bleak and anxiety may paralyze us. But if we adopt a feeling of empowerment and curiosity, job-hunting can become an adventure much like shopping for a new toy.

Maintain a positive internal dialogue. Success often depends on our ability to restore our self-confidence and ambition, which is achieved through self-encouragement The true value of achieving an attitude of acceptance is that it allows us to move away from feelings of helplessness into a state of pro-activeness. Examples of proactive steps include (1) sharpening up your resume, (2) calling people to establish a network of others who can be supportive, helpful and empathetic, and (3) exploring alternative careers through career counseling , brainstorming, and engaging in job searches. However, the key to maintaining a pro-active approach is to monitor the way we talk to ourselves. Success is more readily achieved when we focus on the positive steps we make and maintain an internal dialogue with ourselves which is encouraging. When we criticize ourselves, it shows in our faces, in our posture and it undermines our self-confidence. Remember: Employers are usually more attracted to self-confident applicants, so we only defeat ourselves through worry and self-criticism.

4. Your new job is to find your new job. It is rare that jobs come to us. More likely, we will have to pound the pavement to locate the new place we want to work. Success is usually achieved through perseverance and persistence. This is not a time to sleep late and take a passive approach. Get up and get dressed for work in the morning, plan your employment strategies and follow through with them. This is not a time to stop working.

5. Begin planning ahead and Never give up. Periods of unemployment are opportunities to learn new skills, get organized and upgrade your image. This is also a good time to objectively evaluate your career interests and expand your knowledge. Whether you choose to read, take a course, or join a volunteer effort, learning something new is the quickest way to improve your self-esteem. While these recommendations are designed to help you through your current employment crisis, the best approach is to develop an ongoing plan for changing careers.

Due to society-wide changes in recent decades, workers can no longer expect to retain the same job for their entire lifetime. As such, we must all be prepared to look beyond a single means of earning a living. Consider where you would like to be in five years. Consider possible future careers that would interest you, and consider back-up plans. Even while you are employed, take time to learn new skills which may be helpful to you in the future. By adopting a mode of continuous learning, you’ll keep your brain sharp and you’ll stay ahead of the game. Since there are no guarantees that our jobs will still be there tomorrow, it is wise to plan ahead.

Most of us have a variety of interests and abilities. Throughout history, great hobbies have blossomed into full-time careers. In this country, we are fortunate to have the freedom to change our career interests at will. In my way of thinking, one’s work should feel like play. For those who agree, it comes as no surprise that people find different kinds of work enjoyable at different stages in their lives. Keeping this in mind, even those who are happy in their work now should give some thought to alternative careers in their future. There are so many interesting things to do!

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