From Dr. Jane's Notebook

So, What's Next?

Human beings are both guided by their thoughts, and they can take an active role in designing their thoughts. Essentially, our minds contain mental maps which guide us into the future. As our lives change, our mental maps become updated. If we choose, we can take an active role in designing our future; otherwise, there will be times when we feel as though we are drifting along aimlessly or colliding with the rest of the world in some out-of-control fashion. I’ll use myself as a case example.

We all go through times of personal transition. One phase of life may be coming to an end; another may be just beginning. During these times, it is easy to feel confused and less confident than usual. I have just completed my doctorate after four years of intensive study. Now that graduation has come and gone, I find myself thinking, "what was I going to do differently after I finished school?"

At times like these, life begins to feel like a good book that is missing chapters at the end. In reality, those chapters have not yet been written. Our task is therefore, to create an outline for how we want those next chapters to turn out.

Those around us change and grow. Some activities are so absorbing, they take over our lives for a time. This is often true of parenting, your job, the commitment to take care of someone who is sick, and other extended time activities. The more time they occupy, the less time we have for other pursuits. But when these commitments change (the kids move on to college, we change jobs, loss of a loved one), we must negotiate a new future for ourselves or be willing to accept the one that "just happens to us".
Life experiences change the way we think. If we are lucky, we learn useful lessons from our experiences. However, these important realizations are soon forgotten if we don’t take note of them. I just returned from serving as a therapist on staff for the March of the Living. I was privileged to accompany 240 teenagers on a two-week trip through Poland and Israel. In Poland, we were part of a larger group of 7,500 people retracing the steps of our ancestors, who were forced to march to their deaths from Auschwitz I to Auschwitz II (Birkenau) during World War II. The effect of this trip will remain with me to the extent that I am able to digest its meaning. Some experiences are more difficult to digest than others.
At times, we must stop and reflect upon our goals. Most of the joy in setting goals is the hike in self-esteem we get from checking them off our list. On my 40^th birthday, I decided that I wanted to complete my doctoral studies by my 45^th birthday. It really helps to establish a time frame for your objectives.

Sometimes, we have the opportunity to take some time for ourselves and become refreshed before starting new enterprises. This is a great time to get some rest, gain a new perspective, and re-program the mental map of your future. Without careful planning, however, the next big task can begin pressuring us before we are physically or emotionally ready to take on something new.

The Rosen-Grandon Method for Designing and Updating your Mental Map. With pen or word processor at hand, create the following inventory of your life: (1) Roles and activities that are NOT changing; (2) Roles and activities which ARE changing; (3) Things I’d like to do in my life; (4) One or two new activities or goals that I’d like to pursue next.

In step 4, write down the required steps for this activity in as much detail as possible. This is how we re-program ourselves. The design and updating of your mental map may take a few hours or a few weeks. Fortunately, you are the editor-in-chief and can make as many additions or corrections as you please.

Just as our unconscious minds are programmed to maintain our body functions (such as, breathing, blinking, sleeping, awakening), our unconscious minds can also be programmed to carry out the decisions we make (such as, to quit smoking, lose weight, get a new job). When our vision of the future points the way, all parts of our mind and body begin to move toward that goal. While it is possible for good things to just happen, success is more accurately achieved through our own plans and objectives.

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Last Updated February 27, 1999 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.