From Dr. Jane's Notebook

I Can't Help It!

When you hear the word habit, do you think of... positive behavior patterns that occur in your life, behaviors that seem to be in control of you or helpless addictions. Although there seem to be both desirable and undesirable habits, the truth about the origins of these habits is that they are all learned, and when they first occurred in our lives, we learned to do them for good reasons.

So when people consult with me regarding the unlearning or changing of habits, we have three tasks: (1) to understand the origin of the habit and its purpose, (2) to understand how and when we use it in our lives and then (3) to determine the behavior we wish to substitute for the old behavior or habit.

• About the origins and purpose of habits: Our behaviors were usually first established because they represented a useful response to a particular need. Using the example of nail-biting...perhaps at a younger age, nail-biting offered a way to cope with nervousness or anxiety. Therefore, before we can "let go" of a habit, we must determine whether it is still valuable in our lives.
• Once established, our habits may "kick into gear" occasionally, frequently or constantly. To change a habit, it is necessary to become aware of the exact circumstances which precede it (what, when, where), so that we become consciously aware of the habitual behavior.
• Once we have an understanding of the origin and occurance of our habits, we must determine whether we really want to change them. Perhaps the purpose that they serve is still important. Sticking with the example of nail-biting; we may still need a way to cope with nervousness and anxiety, but we may want to update our method of coping by doing something less self-destructive. For some, substituting a behavior such as hand-massage or rubbing marble eggs together, would be a suitable substitute. Most importantly, the substitute you choose must be something you like.

Like a tape recorder, in order to erase a portion of the tape (the unwanted behavior), we must learn to record something else over it. Once we have understood the purpose behind a habit, are aware of when it happens and have decided upon a suitable substitute behavior(s), we must record it in our actions through rehearsing it in our minds and by practicing it in reality.

Habits are learned, and new habits are also learned. The way to get rid of undesirable habits, is to learn new, more desirable habits that will help us accomplish our goals today.

®Copyright 1995, Jane Rosen-Grandon, All rights reserved.

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Last Updated October 24, 1998 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.