From Dr. Jane's Notebook

New Year Roadmap

We made it to another New Year! With the holidays behind us and another eleven months of peace to go, the pendulum which swings between the outside world and our own internal world, can now bring its focus back to our individual lives. With that in mind, you may be considering some New Year's resolutions. If so, I recommend the following categories for your consideration.

Am I happy in my work? Although this may seem like a dangerous topic to ponder, the truth is that we spend a tremendous portion of our lives at work, and this should be a source of personal, as well as financial reward. Our self-esteem, satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment are important by-products of our career choices. The way we feel about our work effects our family lives and our overall satisfaction with life. If your work is not satisfying, consider ways that you may work toward improving your career life. Studies now show that people continually go through a process of recycling their career decisions to achieve a better fit between their interests and their work. The best changes are approached through a process of gathering information, careful exploration, and planning.
Am I happy in my love life? This is another area where people grow on a continuing basis. Relationships need to grow with us. If you are married, consider ways that your relationship with your mate can be improved. Do you need to enhance your communication, spend more quality time together, get back to having fun together? Relationships unfold in many different ways. Sometimes they take a wrong turn and people grow apart. However, it is possible to look beside you and find the person with whom you have shared dreams in the past, and rekindle those relationships. Everyone wants to feel that they are in love, but that feeling requires action and persistance on a daily basis.
Do I have a good relationship with my children? In my work with families of all ages, I find that people often don't really know each other. As parents, we have expectations for our children, which often don't fit. We may want our children to be different than they are; they may want us to be different than we are. Again, because we think we know the people in our families, we stop learning about them. If they don't relate well to us, we often give up on them or begin to relate combatively. Sometimes I think that parents and their children would get along better if they weren't related, and could regard each other as friends. The truth of the matter is that families are live-in friendships, and by treating our relatives like they are our best friends, we can enhance the mutual respect in those relationships.
Am I taking care of myself? This question calls for a little objectivity. Stepping back for a moment, if your best friend were just like you, what recommendations would you make? Does this person lead a healthy lifestyle, are they physically active, do they eat right, are they emotionally secure? What would you suggest for this friend of yours? Does this individual need to learn more, socialize more, socialize less, get help for their problems, develop a new perspective? If so, this may be the beginning of a list of new goals for personal growth.

In the past, people often felt controlled by their economic circumstances, heredity, age, gender, education and a variety of other factors. While it is true that there will always be difficulties, we still retain the right to change ourselves. Changes can be small or large. They can be accomplished one at a time, gradually and carefully. But as the old saying goes, "If you don't know where you're going, you'll never get there."

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Last Updated October 25, 1998 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.