From Dr. Jane's Notebook

What Do the Holidays Mean?

It's easy to get caught up in the holiday madness of gift-giving and trying to live up to expectations. We often face the holidays with mixed emotions of pressure and enthusiasm. What we sometimes forget is that we are a society of people who "do their own thing". That freedom to be different and unique is a wonderful opportunity to be creative. With this in mind, I invite you to consider the holidays from a new perspective this year. Here are a few ideas:

What is important to you about the holidays? Among the many choices are religion, family gatherings, gift-giving, re-enacting traditions, travel to family reunions, introduction of new family members, and mourning the loss of former family members. Think of what you truly value about the holiday season.
Decide on a theme for the holidays. This year is different and it deserves a unique theme. The holidays often represent the culmination of the past year, which leads to new year's resolutions in January. As you look back through the past 12 months, consider the overall picture of what this year has been like for you, and develop a theme to describe your experiences.
Select a goal for this year's event. Perhaps you want to renew relationships, pass down a legacy of tradition to a younger generation, give more meaningful gifts, or enhance family closeness in a specific way. Decide your personal mission for this year's celebrations and work toward that goal.
Count your Blessings! In reviewing the past year, we realize that "sometimes we win, sometimes we lose". There may have been losses for you this year, and there may have been great successes. It is also important to be thankful for things that have not changed but that continue to go well. You may have enjoyed a good steady year of work, and your family may have enjoyed a year of health and happiness. When things go well, we often take them for granted. Remember to include those things that have happily stayed the same.
Enjoy this holiday without prejudice. Holidays can never be exactly the same as before. Rather than comparing, try to focus on "what is" instead of "what isn't" the same. Seek to improve your experience of the holidays by modifying them to meet your current needs. If finances are a problem, be moderate in your gift-giving. The expense of the gift is not equivalent to love.

Like summer vacations, holidays can be approached from the perspective of maximizing fun and relaxation, working within a budget, and developing a plan that suits your current tastes. Rather than trying to please others, consider how to please yourself this holiday season. If you are happy, others will enjoy being with you... and you will give them your best gift...yourself!

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Last Updated October 25, 1998 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.